Sensuality is the Tie that Binds

I've always found fascinating the subject of femininity and sensuality. Ever since I discovered who I was as a Taurus, I’ve been eager to learn how to express these qualities in my relationships.

When I read about sensuality, it's usually right up there next to sex, seduction or some taboo subject. Yet, sensuality is the determining factor as to whether two partners stay sexual, romantic, or friends. The fine balancing act of sensuality is what can inspire a romantic relationship.

Sex is great, but is it special?

The American culture loves to promote sex. It's in our movies or songs and on the internet. This is even more evident in our billion-dollar porn industry.

Although sex is important for the propagation of our species, sex is a basic act all animals take part in. There's nothing special about two people having sex. Anyone old enough and able to do it is doing it.

When looking at two extreme ends of a pole, I'd place the act of sex at the bottom of the pole. Sex meets our most basic needs. On a basic level, it draws the masculine and the feminine together.

Intimacy tugs at our heartstrings

A different subject altogether is intimacy. Intimacy involves shared special moments with your partner; sharing of hopes and dreams. It's being able to establish an emotional connection with your lover.

You can have an intimate relationship with someone you're having sex with or not. If sex is on the low end of relating, then intimacy would be on the high end of relating. Animals and bugs have sex, but intimacy is what separates animals from humans.  

Passion, intimacy or romance?

Relationships that fall on extreme ends can pose challenges. Relationships that are sexual can fizzle out fast if there's no intimacy. Studies have shown that men don't bond through sex at alone.

An intimate relationship without sexual passion can get stuck in the friend-zone. No one likes getting friend-zoned because once you're in, it's hard to get out of it. This happens when neither partner progresses the relationship toward sex.

Without sexual passion, intimacy cannot flourish into something more. And without intimacy, sexual passion cannot evolve into anything more. But passion and intimacy are not enough to cement a connection between two people.

You also need romance which can be found in sensuality. Sensuality is the heart and glue that connects sexuality and intimacy. Sensuality is the most sensitive to the success or failure of a relationship.

What is sensuality?

Sensuality is the ability to experience one's senses. Smelling, tasting, seeing, hearing, touching and feelings combine to awaken the body. Sensuality can strongly contribute to a sexual connection.

How comfortable you are at expressing your sensuality depends on how in tune you are with you and your lover. Becoming a sensuous woman is a sensitive, balancing act. Once you're able to hone in on your sensuous nature, it can help you get your dream man and help you hold on to him as well.

It's important as women that we learn how to inspire a romantic connection with our lover or lovers (if that’s your thing). Sensuality is the tie that binds you two together. It's taking me many years to work out the fine, balancing act of sensuality.

And I'm still a work in progress, but practicing is a whole lot of fun.

In another post, I'll share how to tap into your most sensuous nature. You'll learn what it takes to keep your man begging for more. That's what you want right? We'll explore together how to hone a lot of the qualities that you've buried deep within you. You're going to learn to become...

A Sensuous Siren

Stay tuned. 

Ayo

Get Back to Who You Are

"So are you going to find a nanny?" I asked Reesy, my best friend for over 20 years. She stared at the painting on the wall, then bit her bottom lip.

"A new mom with triplets needs a nanny or some help at least". I said. Forcing a laugh while wiping Joshua's spit-up from her sweater, she said, "I've got this. I don't need a nanny. Who needs a nanny when I've got you?"

We both laughed. I've always known Reesy to be a tough cookie. She tackles challenges like a linebacker yet does it all with the spirit and grace of a ballerina. Don't ask me how.

"Yeah, but I won't always be around to help you," I ushered. "You need someone here full-time. Like one of those live-in nannies or something." I picked up Michah from his cradle and rocked him back to sleep.

As women, many of us would be quite successful working as professional jugglers. Our ability to tackle many things at once rivals that of the most talented actresses. But the challenge comes when our once in a while juggling act becomes our default mode and a way of life.

We get so used to living on the edge, that when we do stop to smell the roses, we realize we no longer know who we are. We check out our reflection in the mirror, only to see a stranger staring back that we've never introduced ourselves to.

The faster we run, the more we lose focus and clarity and the more conflicted we become. Yet, focusing is the one crucial need for women who spend time rushing to meet demands from family and work. But what does it mean to focus?

Spiritual leaders say to focus means to find your center and listen to your intuition. Some gurus say focusing means to get back to who you are, what you want and what you love to do. You may not be juggling the care of two-month-old triplets, but we all have demands that eat away at our time and steal our focus.

When the demands of life weigh in on me, whether it's from a demanding boss, a boyfriend, or a client, I pull back to regain focus. I spend a few minutes or sometimes days reconnecting with the spiritual part of me. I do this to be sure my actions are coming from a place that feels real, genuine and true. 

When I'm out of alignment or feeling disconnected from my creative center, I'm "out of kilter, " "spaced out," or feeling "out of sorts." These feelings are clues that I am no longer "at home" or "in tune" with my inner being. It also means that it's time for me to check in, regroup and get back to the core of who I am.

When I was younger, my idea of reconnecting was to pack up all my things and move back home to my parent's house. And I did this several times, shedding my belongings, only to move out of my parents and start all over again. With maturity, I've learned there are cheaper ways to come back "home" to self, without needing to pack up and move home.

Now when I'm rushed or stressed, I first sip a cup of warm water with a squeezed lemon, relax and then I meditate. I like to do this on my bed or while taking a relaxing bubble bath. I then think about the angel goddess Vesta who has a lot to give us in return for what we give others.

Goddess Vesta is the one who urges us to be quiet and still. She reminds us to gaze, to listen and to prepare delicious meals. She encourages us to bring beauty into our daily lives and to live through our senses.

She nudges us to create a haven of security and serenity apart from the world to protect what we cherish.

Vesta is the ancient goddess who calls on us to focus our creative energies on the Real. Centering within, focusing, connecting with your goddess energy creates flow. As you learn to slow down and shut out the chaos, you begin to concentrate your creative energies in ways that bring you joy.

Nurture your gifts, honor your divinity, practice self-love daily. Demands on your time will come and go. Make time to create and make time for you.

With love,

Ayo

How to Make the Best Choice

How do I make the best choice? How do I choose between the two? It all depends on what's most important to you. You choice when you do choose, can be the beginning of an amazing life journey or a life full of drudgery.  But the great thing about life is, you always have a choice.

You always have the choice to choose what feels honorable to you. And you don't have to choose immediately. Not choosing right now, is also a choice. And if you've chosen, you can always make a different choice.  

When you are ready to choose, how can you make sure your choices are in alignment with your deepest desires? How can you make sure you are choosing the right thing and you're making the best decision? You'll know by how your thoughts feel.

When your thoughts feel good, you're moving towards what you want. When a thought feels bad, you're moving away from what you want.

Your choices begin with your thoughts. You can choose a positive thought or you can choose a negative thought. Positive thoughts feel good. They feel exciting and joyful. They come from a real and genuine place and from your deepest desires.

When you are thinking positive thoughts and you feel good, you are being REAL. You are being your most authentic and genuine self. When you are real, you are radiating pure, positive energy.

So how do you become real so you can make more positive feel good choices that help you create an amazing life?

  1. First, know that becoming real is a gradual process. It takes time to shed the negative patterns, thoughts and limiting beliefs that hold you back. But you must let them go.
  2. Next, acknowledge, accept, and appreciate what makes you different from all others. The process of becoming real starts when you begin to feel good about yourself. Do not compare yourself to others, or you'll block the flow of positive energy.
  3. Learn to trust the wisdom of your heart. You can make creative choices based on what you know is right for you. Make it a habit to choose positive thoughts.
  4. You can meditate or read positive affirmations. Learn to change your thoughts when you recognize you don't feel good. When you begin to trust the wisdom of your heart, and you feel good, you're making progress. You are in motion, moving toward the things you want and in the right direction.
  5. Learn to endow even the smallest moment of each day with love. Begin with loving yourself. Love every part of you, as you wouldn't be on this planet if you weren't necessary to its growth and evolution.
  6. Embrace your feel good choices. When you feel good about yourself, you act from a place of love. When you act from a place of love, progress becomes reality perfected. Reality perfected is the ultimate choice.

With love,

Ayo

 

How to Conquer Your Goals Quickly and Easily

Last Saturday, I attended a women's brunch retreat and sat next to a lovely young lady who I'll call Cynthia. She had such a wonderful spirit, presence, and personality about her. During a sharing session, we discussed goals, priorities, and how to organize our lives.

"There is so much I want to do, " Cynthia said. "I just feel so all over the place and overwhelmed by everything I feel I need to do, want to do, and have to do."

I could feel Cynthia's frustration because I've felt similar emotions and I could relate. There were times in my life where I felt overwhelmed and confused about what to do and where to start. I wasn’t sure what first things I wanted to put first.

It wasn't until I created a life purpose statement did I begin to feel peaceful and confident about what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go. I first answered the question: Why do you want to go where you are going? Before you head out on your journey called Life, pull out your Life Style GPS. 

Your Life Style GPS

Think of your Life Style GPS like Google Maps GPS. You're getting ready to visit a friend who's having a baby shower and you want to show your support.

If you don't know how to get to her location, the first thing you do, is enter her address in Google Maps app. Google Maps comes back with a few different options for HOW  to get there. Google Maps is even savvy enough to share if there are any accident or delays. 

But, no matter how you get there, one thing you are clear on before you leave is WHY you want to go in the first place.

Knowing your why gives you the peace and confidence needed to venture out and conquer your plans, quickly and easily. This is what having a written down life purpose statement does for you.

Your life purpose is your why. Your why is everything. Why are you going to visit your friend? Why are you working that job? Why are you driving to see your boyfriend? Why? 

What IS a Life Purpose?

A life purpose is a long-range overview of what you believe you want to do with your life --Why you are here and how you fit into the grand scheme of things. It's a precious, exciting thing that carries you forward day to day.

Without your why, it's easy feel confused and anxious about where to go and what to do. Feeling anxious can paralyze you and keep you from taking deliberate action. 

Right now, stop for a moment and let's explore this idea called a life purpose. 

So, why do you feel you are here on this earth? What do you feel you are here to do? What lessons do you think you are here to learn? And how, with your gifts and talents, can you make the world a better place?

Who Do You Hope to Be?

Clarity is key. Your life purpose can help make sure you only do the things that matter and that bring you joy and happiness. When you are aware of your life purpose, you can align your goals with your purpose. If it doesn't align with your life purpose, it doesn't get done.

For example, when I started my image consulting business 12 years ago, I wasn't clear on my why. I knew I liked style and fashion, but I wasn't clear about what purpose any of it solved. In a way, fashion and image consulting felt almost superficial to me, but I knew there was more to it. I attended a talk and heard a veteran image consultant share,

"My business is about self-discovery, beauty of expression, excellence, and loving life. I empower women to recognize their self-worth, to believe in the best that they are, and to design their image as a powerful self-expression.  I help women nurture their communities through love, connectivity, collaboration, and communication."

I adopted this as my life purpose and for the past 9 years, this purpose had guided everything that I do. From morning until I go to bed, my actions line up with my purpose. My life purpose keeps me from just going through the motions and it keeps my day to day on track. 

Even though the nature of my work has evolved, my life purpose still stays front and center. I no longer feel overwhelmed or anxious about where I am going or what I am doing. I now conquer my goals with effortless and ease.

What are your life dreams and goals? Have you had special moments when you dreamed dreams and saw visions? In your highest moments, what has God said to you?

Get away for a day with God. Recapture those visions, or get fresh new ones. One approach you can take to identifying your life purpose is to look at your role models. Who has influenced you the most? Those important relationships in your life always hold hidden meaning. 

After you've explored those relationships, what common themes do you notice? Take these common threads and write a brief one liner on a card, My Life Purpose is.... and put the card where you can see it. 

As you set goals for your direction, your life purpose is there to remind you to stay on track.

My Life Style GPS is coming out soon. Subscribe here so you’ll be one of the first to know. 

with love,

AyoKemi

 

 

3 Essential Ingredients for Remarkable Skin

Lately, my skin's been looking like the outside of a pineapple. Ok, I'm exaggerating. But seriously. I've been experiencing adult acne, breakouts, and smile lines that no longer disappear. Even after I've stopped smiling :-)

At 37, my skin lacks that radiance and luster it once had in my 20s. I know we like to say black don't crack, but that's only half true. It will crack if you don't do what it takes to prevent your skin from cracking. A mentor of mine once said, the one thing you can regret NOT doing in 20 years is moisturizing your skin. I agree.

So two weeks ago, I strolled into CVS pharmacy to get passport photos and came across Jouviance. I love beauty and skin care products and the packaging, in particular, caught my eye. It had a high-end quality look and feel to it and it almost seemed out of place for a drug store.

 

Jouviance Skin Care

I took a closer look and saw it had three essential ingredients my skin could benefit from:

  • Antioxidants found to protect the skin against UVA and UVB rays from the sun.
  • Retinol (a natural Vitamin A) to slow down the aging process.
  • Pentapeptides which can increase collagen production in sun-damaged skin and diminish fine lines and wrinkles.

I gave this Canadian-based, dermatologist-developed product a try, and in just two weeks, I've seen remarkable results in my skin's texture. It feels smoother, softer, more supple, my age spots have faded, and my skin looks brighter.

Jouviance gets a thumbs up from me and I look forward to seeing how my skin reacts in another few weeks. I'll share a product update at that time.

To learn more about Jouviance, click here

AyoKemi